I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
do herpes really smell.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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