Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
