Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize