He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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