This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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