White coat. Heels.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
