I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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