So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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