Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
