Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
