You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
