The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
