Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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