it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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