Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
