i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
