and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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