using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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