So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
