Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
