Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
