So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
