I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
