I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize