I CAN MOONWALK!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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