yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
