I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
