Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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