I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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