the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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