come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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