I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
