wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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