i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
