At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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