Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
These tits shall not be calmed
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
