The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
