I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
