I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
