I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
