I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
