i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
