While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My bed smells like the plague
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