you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
