Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
