I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
