Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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