I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize