I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize