3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
love makes seman taste better
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
