I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
