Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I AM VODKA MAN
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize