Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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