OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
