You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
