nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
