in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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