an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
