He had one of those small greek statue penises
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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