Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm sobbing to NWA
not ubering you a puppy
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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