Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
