Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
