i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize