other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
