Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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