To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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