doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
smell my finger.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
