i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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