i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
