hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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