He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
