Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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