i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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