Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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