Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm always down for nudity.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
