i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
