All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
