Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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