my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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